Q: I feel overwhelmed by many of the other mothers I constantly interface with at my daughters school. For the most part they are thinner, drive nicer cars, are more organized with their parenting responsibilities and just seem happier then I have felt in years. I feel like a kid myself, harboring resentment and jealousy towards them while feeling suffocated by both emotions. What can I possibly do to feel like I belong in 'their' world?
A: To be more compassionate towards yourself is to respond to your thoughts and feelings as a friend might. Your thoughts, which you so bravely owned, can turn every gathering, conversation or friendship into a stressful competition. 'Comparative' mindset is a setup for failure. When you constantly compare and contrast yourself with others, you become your own worst enemy.
Ask yourself if:
-you criticize everyone and believe everyone is criticizing you
-you get depressed and irritable when someone else succeeds
-you never feel good enough
-you don't feel loved or loving
-you don't know what your opinion is until you hear what others think
-meeting a successful person makes you feel anxious
If you answered "YES" to any of these questions, here's how to turn a comparative mindset into a self-responsible, loving one:
1. Write down: a. what you are grateful for (even if all you can come up with is your clear complexion) b. five of the most beautiful sights you've ever seen c. the five most joyful memories of your life. Allow these ideas to percolate throughout your day, catching each negative thought with an appreciation of what is or has worked in your life before.
2. Fess up to your failures. Get together with someone you trust and admit out loud your greatest frustrations, insecurities and disappointments in life. This exercise takes your thoughts from inside of yourself, allowing the past to be put behind you, not in front of you. It's also invaluable to hear compassionate feedback from a trusted companion.
3. Give someone a heartfelt, genuine compliment.
4. Remember that it is your personal approach that creates the climate and your daily mood that manifests the weather of your life.
5. Get busy with your own project and make it happen!
6. You possess the power to make your life miserable or joyful, use this power wisely and decide to think about and treat others as you wish to be thought of and treated. The Golden Rule ~ "Do unto others" and I would add ~ "Think unto others" ~ are not only empowering messages to teach children, they come in handy for adults as well.
