self-esteem diaries:

Q: As I look at my goals for the coming year, I realize they are the exact goals I have had for the last 10 years … to lose weight, get in shape and take better care of myself. Every year for the first two weeks of January, I do exactly that. However by February I'm a wreck, not only because I didn’t stick to my New Years resolutions, but because I still feel fat, out of shape (hate the gym), self defeated and hungry (love to eat) and the whole New Year/New Me plan goes quickly south. I need a different strategy, can you help?

A: First and foremost know that you’re NOT alone, this is perhaps the most common complaint I hear between the months of January and March. I empathize with your frustrations and want to help you feel healthy and personally empowered in the new year.

My suggestion is that you meditate each morning for 10 minutes. Decide in advance that you will try meditation for two weeks. It is much easier to commit to meditating almost every day for two weeks than committing to meditation for the rest of your life. After two weeks, stop and ask yourself, “How was that? Was it pleasant or unpleasant? What impact did it have on my morning, on the rest of my day, on my week?” Don't be surprised if you want to meditate longer then 10 minutes based on the positive results. When you feel like this practice has been beneficial, it develops a stronger desire to meditate longer than 10 minutes; I meditate for 20-30 minutes each morning.

Here's how to get started: 

1. Your practice starts the night before when you make the commitment to set your alarm to wake up 15 minutes - half hour earlier than usual. Meditating first thing in the morning seems most beneficial because a: your brain is in a liminal (in between sleep & awake) state and the world around you has not quite awakened. b: you are more likely to do it in the morning before your day gets moving and you remember all the things you need to do. c: more realistic before approaching the world of work and family. d: during the middle of the day it's harder to stop everything you're already doing. e: at the end of the day you may be too tired or wound up.  

2. The minute your alarm goes off

get out of bed, splash cold water on your face, rinse out your mouth, put on some comfortable clothes (or stay in your sleeping clothes if you want), and immediately sit on a cushion. Do this before you have coffee, before you turn on your computer or phone, before you have a conversation.  3. To time yourself use a clock or one of the many meditation timers (I found mine @ Amazon.com) that are now on the market (which will prevent clock-watching). 4. Decide in advance to sit for 10 minutes. A bit more is good if you can do it. If you miss a day during your two week experiment that’s OK. Don’t fall into the unconscious trap that “Since I missed a day I guess I can’t do this, so I might as well not even try, or try less hard tomorrow because this missed day has weakened me.” This is the way we all tend to think! So anticipate this and don’t fall for it. Be gentle with yourself, but be firm. Your first few practices will likely feel somewhat uncomfortable as your body notices all the aches and strains and kinks of the day and your brain races, not to worry, do it anyway. Meditation is what you do when you meditate. There is no doing it wrong or right. That is not to say that there is no effort or focus. Of course there is. The point is to avoid falling into the trap of defining meditation too narrowly and then judging yourself based on that definition. Instead evaluate your practice on a larger scale. Not: Is my mind concentrated while I am sitting? But: How is my attention during the day? Not: Am I peaceful and still as I sit? But: Is my habit of flying off the handle less frequent? In other words, the test of meditation isn’t meditation. It’s your life. Problems Solved: Kids get up early? Then get up half an hour earlier than they do. But that’s not enough sleep? Those 10 minutes of meditation will be much more important for your rest and well-being than the lost half hour of sleep. Or you can just go to bed half an hour earlier. No place to meditate? There is always somewhere ~ all you need is the space for a cushion on the floor. But better to have a clean, empty spot, even if only in a corner of an otherwise busy messy room. Hurts to sit? Then lie down.

What exactly is meditation? It’s really just another term for deep breathing. Breathing deeply and slowly for 10 minutes each day is one of the most effective ways to receive the full benefits of our amazing respiratory system, while also minimizing stress. It is at the heart of relaxation, offering a surprisingly simple option for physical and psychological self-healing. 

Besides enhancing our day-to-day health, conscious deep breathing can help us tap into what’s going on inside of us ~ wants, needs, the small but wise voice that is often drowned out in the noise of everyday life. *To ensure that you are breathing properly, place one hand on your stomach. You should feel your belly expand slightly as you inhale, and contract as you exhale, but don't over think this.

How to find your meditation comfort:
1. Sit in a comfortable position, eyes closed, hands resting comfortably on your knees, palms turned downward or upward (like in the photo), thumbs lightly touching index fingers.

2. Shift your focus to each inhale and exhale.

3. With your mouth closed, inhale deeply through your nose, silently thinking a positive phrase such as "I am love", "I am peace", "I am trust". Pull the air in as deeply as possible allowing it to fill your belly. Exhale slowly through your nose, thinking a similar affirmation such as "I am loving", "I am peaceful", "I am trusting".  *If mantras or phrases feel awkward, try counting, i.e., "one, two, three, four, five, six, seven" (on the inhale and exhale).

4. Your goal is to become mindless during these 10 minutes, however initially, that can be difficult to achieve if not impossible. Just observe the thoughts that enter during your meditation.

5. Use your 10 minutes to experience all sensations, while relaxing into your chosen space. After your 10 minutes are over, take extra time to enjoy the peace and relaxation. As you slowly stretch and open your eyes, take your calm with you.

Conscious, meditative breathing can bring calm to chaos, peace to anxiety, insight to confusion. In addition, this practiced ritual can teach you:

-How to take action in the presence of fear (I will commit to a workout schedule and stick to it).

-How to renew your daily goals (I will take better care of myself).

-How to balance and trust your instincts and choices (do I really need to lose weight and if the answer is yes, I will take action and make healthier choices).

-How to manage doubt and insecurity (I will stop beating myself up for what I don’t do and instead commit to self-care and personal power).

I trust this 10 minute daily morning meditation will break your cycle of self-defeat while offering you a calm, empowering method for setting and achieving your goals, creating new habits and becoming your happiest, best self.
(thank you Carsten Henningsen & Norman Fischer !)